Old age is so going to rock. Tons of people worry about their retirement and consider expensive cosmetic surgery, but I think I've devised a great plan of what I'm going to do when I get ancient and wrinkly.
I will live in a swanky 2 bedroom condo with Sam at an assisted living place. She'll have her purse doggie and I'll have my orange kitty. The kitty will be a purse kitty and enjoy it whether it likes it or not. I'll even have a basket on my walker and carry it around the building with me at all times. My kitty will be like an organic heater, so I'll never have to worry about having a cold lap.
Sam and I will host parties with the other old people when new episodes of our favorite shows come on. Chuck will be in its 53rd season and I will still be watching it faithfully and admiring Zachary Levi. We will provide the forbidden snacks and the entry fee for the visitors would be a case of Mountain Dew.
Everyone I've known throughout my life will remember how awesome I was to them, so they'll be willing to do whatever I needed free of charge. Like if my flying car isn't working properly, the annoying church brat turned adult mechanic will gladly fix my car because I always brought him cookies. The only downside to this part of my plan is that I have to start being super nice to teenagers right now.
I will bribe the facility's staff will my old lady cuteness, cookies, and the occasional Benjamin (a chunk of change now, but I'm factoring inflation) to bring me Chick-fil-a and pizza whenever I wanted. I can only take healthy old people food for so long, ya know? Those young sweet staff kids will be wrapped around my chicken-grease-covered arthritic finger.
I will take full advantage of the fact that white old lady hair tends to turn purpley. Just because I would be old doesn't mean I have to get the short curly 'do and constantly try to dye it my original brown. I'll have long, naturally purplish hair and all the hip kids will be jealous.
Instead of traditional Bingo, I'll start up an Apples to Apples club. But we'll probably be shut down before our third meeting because some people laughed too hard and broke something. And then I'll take the club underground and enjoy our gigglez away from the condemning eyes of the administrators. I'll make a rule that no one talks about Apples to Apples club. That should keep it safe.
Yeah. I can't wait to get old.
Hahahaha... I know what you mean, being old is going to be fun! I've also vowed to never get the old lady hair cut and perm... why on earth do they ALL do that?!
ReplyDeleteMy mom told me that ladies' hair gets very thin and looks like they're balding when old, so they get the perm thingy to try to hide it. But still, I'm not going to do that haha!
ReplyDeleteEh! Even if my hair gets really thin, I'd still keep it long. Where's the fun in looking like all the rest of the old ladies?!
ReplyDeleteExactly! I'm looking forward to being a weird old lady, not a normal one! :P
ReplyDelete